ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
