Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
