you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
