Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
