Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize