We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
