I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
