ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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