Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
