Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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