If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
