youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
