If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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