I love black thongs
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
