The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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