I hope mine doesn't look like that
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
soo... how was my night?
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