I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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