Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How's work?
Spinning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
