dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
