you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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