if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
