new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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