ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
