who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
