In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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