I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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