Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
