Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
