Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
