..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
