What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
