1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
