if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
