i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am available for nakedness
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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