I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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