Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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