im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
