it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Someone shattered a urinal.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
