It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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