Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
