I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
