She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
They took my balls.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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