theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
