the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
