i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
