K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
