I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
