My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
