I can tuck mytits in my pants
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
