It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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