"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
please don't ironically join a cult
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