Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize