awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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