Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
