I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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