Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
