My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
