I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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