Have you finally orgasmed yet?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
