I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
