You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
