the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
