p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
