the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
