Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
