How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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