I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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