I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
