Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
