He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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