I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
