You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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