everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
