Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
