Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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