I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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