stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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