This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
