my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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