That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize