I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We need a shit load of segways right now
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
