he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
where does the pee come out of this thing
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
