I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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