The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You made out with two different species that night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
