apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
