Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
