Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
