I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
