How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
