Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
