Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
