There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize