I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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